It's already almost 11:30 p.m. and I can tell it's going to be another night of very little sleep. The other day, KK, said, Ashley, I don't know how you have time to do it all (Mommyhood, photography hobby, etc.). My response was... I never sleep. Many nights I'll read, edit photos, or do research into the early hours of the morning until I can't keep my eyes open anymore. I wish I was like Edward and never needed to sleep at all.
With Mark off somewhere in a field playing with machine guns, (okay, not playing but you know what I mean) getting ready to deploy to Afghanistan I can't shut my thoughts off at night. I'm staring at the "what ifs" directly in the face and it is a scary place to be. I HAVE to learn to control my thoughts and trust in Him. Trust that my husband will come home safely from his deployment and that we'll just pick up right where we left off. I've always been a night owl but it's so much worse when he's not laying in bed next to me. I miss him.
Sigh.
Sigh.
On the bright side, I get to see him in just a few days for a family farewell weekend. This will be the hardest goodbye yet. It will be the last time I see him before he goes over there.. to the other side of the world. So far away from me and our little girls all to selflessly fight for our/your freedom. I can barely see the screen because it makes me tear up just thinking about it.
Can you tell I'm having a moment?
Well, I'm going to suck it up, pray, and go count sheep.
I have a big day tomorrow. It's the first day of school!! Humanities, Intro to Business, Cultural Anthropology, and Photography here I come! I feel like I'm 10 years old all over again. I hope I don't get lost and that I make new friends. :)
6 comments:
Aww sweetie...I am praying for you! I will pray for you anxiety over all the things you are worried about! I hope you have a wonderful day at school.
Isaiah 41:10
Fear Not; for I am with you. Be not dismayed; for I am your God. I will strengthen you; yeah, I will help you; yea, I will uphold you with the right hand of my righteousness.
Awww...you are doing a GREAT job! Mark will be just fine and will come home safe and sound. I'm sure you'll have no problem making new friends at school! :)
Good luck for all of it :)
The good thing is, I would be worried if you weren't feeling the way you are. I went through the same things. What got me through was a blessing Matt received before he left. Prayer helps!! Enjoy your time with Mark, and Good Luck with school.
First of all let me say, I love your blog. I stumbled on it about a month ago and check in quite often to see your pictures.
That being said, I can kind of commiserate with you on the whole deployment thing. I am an Air Force wife. Thankfully my hubby hasn't had to go oversees, but he VOLUNTEERED for a deployment, so we're on pins waiting for that little gem to come up. He has been seperated from me though and it's tough. However, YOU CAN DO THIS!! With all the prayers being sent up for your hubby, he'll be just fine, I'm sure!
You are amazing!
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